I haven't posted in a little more than a month. There are a few reasons- writer's block. Malaise. Burnout. Call it what you will. I feel like I'm running on empty. I just want to goof off. Enjoy my time. Forget responsibility and veg in front of the TV. As a result, my brain is more like that channel that has nothing but snow, rather than a fully formed picture. Yet, my mind is racing around trying to piece together a new transmission and gather itself up. You'd think that as a 36 year old Marine-currently-acting-as-a-student-and-machinst that I'd be able to punch through this firewall of intellectualism and do something. Yet school projects sit half done. Home projects remain incomplete. An order for a customer sits on the workbench. My friends army sits based and in various stages of completion. And written works sit started or in desperate need of editing and rework.
Swamped I think is the proper term. Too many things need my attention, and my squirrel like brain sees them all and tries to figure out how to do them all RIGHT NOW! Then (because squirrel like attention span) I get a new thing in my mind, and rocket off to start a new project while an old one sits idle. It's frustrating, and unfortunately the norm for me. The next portion of Scab is on my hard drive awaiting some edits for posting. I have multiple opinion pieces that are now moot because the time to post has passed. And all the while new ideas and projects keep filling my head, and the obligations of being a husband and provider push what I want to do farther into the corner.
I'm not putting this up to garner sympathy- far from it. I don't want sympathy. I want my damned mind back, and this is all that is sitting there, taking up valuable computational and decision making capacity and I need it out so I can process. Think of it as a redundant, ineffectual subroutine that doesn't really do anything, but uses and inordinate amount of RAM and prevents adequate decision functions for more important things. Couple this ineffectual program with a constant idea generating subroutine, then compound that with a planning subroutine, and compound it further with a "You really need to get that done" input, and this poor Jarhead's brains starts to sizzle. And that's before my hobby program gets cranking, and my story generating algorithms get spun up.
Swamp Mind. The mental version of Swamp Ass. Equally annoying, and even more embarrassing. Difficult to cure. Even more difficult to prevent. At least Swamp Ass can be treated with powder. Swamp Mind requires mental dumping.
So- welcome to the mental dump. The throat clearing before orders are issued, and actual work can commence. I feel like a moron even putting this up here- but I will need a reminder that yes, things can get tough and yes, Swamp Mind is something to deal with. But there is important work to do. Dreams to make realities, and lives to change. I can't do that mucking about in my own mind peering through the fog of the latent mental bog. I gotta clear that shit out- get some fresh air and perspective.
Perhaps you can comment with a good (or not so good) joke. The more ridiculous the better. A fan to break the stagnant air, and get the mental faculties facultatating. Push the sludge out, and dry out the swamp as it were. Ok- enough of this self pitty pitter patter. Time to recombobulate and get my schooling on. Time to move forward toward making a difference and being what I'm setting out to be.
So how do you recombobulate and clear the cobwebs of a stagnant mind? Let me know- perhaps it'll come in useful later. :)