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The Small Penis Argument

Updated: Jul 27, 2021

Geraldo Rivera recently stated that owning an AR-15 is testament to said owner having a small penis. This is about the most retarded argument ever. The only thing that owning a rifle compensates for in those regards is that a penis is incapable of flinging something at velocities sufficient to defend yourself (unless your Hancock). Anyone with half a brain realizes that throwing that out there isn’t an actual argument, but a flagrant insult meant to offend. If you feel the need to talk about penis’s, that’s fine, you can even make fun of my small package, but where I take insult is that people actually think this is a reasonable argumentative strategy.

It’s not. It’s an insult (or rather, and badly attempted insult). If you use that tact, you’ve already conceded defeat.

The other argument that I’ve seen trotted out by presidential hopefuls is “No one needs a weapon of war.” This too is a dumb assed argument. Currently, I don’t need any of the four fire extinguishers spread throughout my home and garage. Currently, I don’t need the first aid supplies in the back of my car, or the band aids in my cabinets. I don’t need the bar of soap (yet) in the shower, or the hobby knives that seem to have grown legs and walked away over the last week (though I’d really appreciate it if they would come back… I’ll need them later). I don’t need any white glue. I don’t need my pocket knife. I don’t need my machete. I don’t need my lawn mower, or TV, or DVD player. The only thing I NEED right now is my computer (because I’m typing a post on it).

The “need” argument is just as idiotic as the “penis” argument, and it has about as much authority and weight. No one truly “needs” anything- until they do. When a fire starts in my house, I NEED my fire alarms and probably those fire extinguishers. If one of my kids injures themselves, I’ll NEED that first aid kit. When I go to take a shower, I’ll NEED that bar of soap. When I work on some models after work, I’ll NEED that hobby knife. I think you get the point. Needs are at the time of necessity, not at the time before. Marines don’t NEED to be armed- until they’re up to their shoulders in shit sandwich at which point they most assuredly DO NEED their weapons. Same with the civil populous.

It’s not about dick size (regardless of what Carlin ever said), and it’s not about “need.” Those arguments are invalid from conceptualization. Fortunately, the men who framed the Bill of Rights weren’t vapid self centered egoists like Geraldo Rivera or Beto O’Rourke. They were principle (if flawed) men who actually studied history and who fought a war against the most powerful nation on Earth to win their independence. They knew what “needs” were, and they didn’t give a rats ass about the size of their dicks (though they proved they had massive stones).

So spare me the irrational emotive "here and now" bullshit of “needs” and fetishes around penis size. It’s kind of pathetic that your most amazing arguments factor around your inability to think about the possibility of future events, and your projections of your own reality on other people. Read some history. Contemplate if what happened in the past could happen in the future, and stop talking about my Tic-tac. Sure- you have a bigger dick than me. Well done. You won at genes. Too bad you haven’t got a spine (or balls).

You got nothing, and you know you got nothing. You’re arguments suck. Come back when you have rational, reasons based argument. Until then, leave my rights alone.

P.S. Red Flag laws are bullshit, and “Universal Background Checks” are also bullshit. Tune in next time and I’ll propose a rational solution to both (that I got from a friend).

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